Monday, May 17, 2010

Getting In Touch With My Gross Side

Turns out, I'm gross.
Exhibit One:
Regular pants don't fit? Only 2 pairs of maternity? Refuse to wear those sweatpants again today?
Duct Tape, my friend, duct tape. A really sad moment because it wasn't a sad moment at first. At first it was totally acceptable. I was in a rush to get out the door and I thought, perfect!
No. No, it's not. You duct taped your pants. Gross.
Only good thing is I might get famous here.

Grossness, Exhibit Two?

Going shower-less for 3 days and I wasn't camping (but was wearing duct tape pants.) And somewhere in there, sleeping for like 15 hours straight and I wasn't hungover or anything. 'sup with that?

Grossness number three: Septic tank flower garden.
I imagine there's a proper thing folks do with the septic tank lids. Do they bury them? Because I'm afraid to bury them and then we'll end up driving the tractor over them and cracking the lids. Or maybe some bushy ornamental grass? Then it would be my luck we'd have to tear them all up to get to the lids.

Nah, I just let the girls plant flowers to their hearts' content. Yes, with a million and one places around the house to plant flowers, let's draw attention to the poop tank with flowers.
Just going to hope the petunias spread. A lot.

Grossness Four. Now, I could only maybe take half credit for this, but birthing a child who at the tender age of 8 is capable of the most pungent man-like armpit odor in our whole family. A female child no less!

Five. Salami sandwich for breakfast. Debatable.

Ya, I guess a lot of it's debatable, but I was just so not feeling feminine this weekend, ya know? Just.....not cute. Or pretty. One of those weekends.

But how 'bout a palate cleanser?

Awww, neato! A heron outside my back door this morning. Nature!

What else?

-Go kart's broken again. We need to keep parts on stock.

-Lily finally had a friend over after much waiting, and darn, if I didn't forget to pre-warn the mom about how filthy their child is going to get at my house.

Straight to the creek in shoes and socks, thoroughly coat them in mud then strip them off and throw them all over the porch. Splash mud over every appendage. Add a coating of watermelon juice from 2 big slices each. It helps the kitten hair and barn dust stick better. Then, when I shoo you into the tub to rinse your arms and legs, skip that and just have a splash fight. Return from the bathroom every bit as dirty and also soaking wet.

They had such fun though. And friend's mom is totally cool with the creek mud.

-Roses for my anniversary. I forgot to take pictures, but what a lovely surprise at work. Mark, you rascal, you.

-I can slightly, slightly feel a baby moving in there sometimes. A little bit. Just not when I'm lying really still trying really hard to feel it. I am struggling with not driving myself so, so crazy with this whole thing. Funny how carefree I was all those other times. Boy, am I making up for it now.

-I did some laundry. I cut up some fruit. I planted some sunflowers. ;-) I'm just being purposely extra boring now.
Have A Good Monday, Internets!


Osage Bluff Quilter said...

Duct tape! I love it. My Dad was a duct tape freak. So much in fact we had rolls of it incorporated into the flowers on his casket. Is that weird or what?
At least your poop lid gets some attention, ours is all alone, just some rocks and mud around it.

Sara said...

A rubber band might work better if they are button fly. But I like the duct tape. You should get some hot pink tape. :D

I literally was loling with the petunia poop crop circle.

The rest is great to hear and I think it totally rocks, especially the roses. :D

Becky said...

All of this is heroic. Especially the duct tape. I actually thought it looked like a fashion accent!

And the poop circles. LOVE IT.

Annette said...

Roses? Mark done good!

Amy said...

Salami for brekkers is totally the norm in many countries. As is man-odor armpit emanation.

No, not gross -- it's just our effete culture that makes it seem so!

Me, I think you should be proud about purtying up those poop pond lids. And DEFINITELY about the ingenuity on duct-tape display there. Did they fall down? Gap? Bind? Thought not. Git on witcher bad self.

Michele R said...

I used to do the rubber band trick on the button and buttonhole but I like the duct tape better. Those flowers will probably do really well planted there. You should add some veggies. Happy anniversary!

Sara said...

Thanks for giving me some of my dignity back :)

I forgot to add: haven't shampooed my hair in 2 weeks.

...only because I'm trying an experiment of washing it with conditioner. Supposed to be good for curly hairs. So far, not too stinky!

Michele R said...

I have heard about that for curly hair. Plus, if it gets too stinky you can just blame it on the daughter. :)

Analisa said...

Duct tape..thanks for the idea. LOL or and for the septic tank lids how about painting them or letting the kids do an art project, flowers, 60's circles or what ever. Congrats up the baby too!

gretchen said...

See, I don't see anything gross in any of this. Well...maybe the armpit thing, which could be worrisome. Duct tape is ingenious. My Mama had an outrageous herb garden. Everything grew thick and lush. People were so envious. How did she do it? Whole thing planted right on top of the buried septic tank. And we ate these herbs, so who am I to talk about gross? Really.

Camp Papa said...

Duct tape is our friend. You know that it comes in designer colors and even camouflage, right? I have been known to use a bungee cord as a belt.

Becky said...

Camp Papa has "been known" to wear a bungee cord as a belt in the sense that he was doing it the last time I saw him and is probably doing it this minute.

Also I forgot to say that I've seen some cute purses made of duct tape.

Sara said...

I will be laughing about this for a long time!
I picture a nice red bungie cord. Not the old school black rubber ones.
And, briefly considered if that would work for me? Desperate times this morning when I briefly couldn't find the maternity jeans!

I thought I could pull off the rubber band/ponytail holder trick, but, uh, I can barely sausage into my last resort jeans, let alone jury rig them.

I've seen the multi-colored duct tape display at Michael's! They promoted making your prom dress out of it. Which I would imagine costs more than a real prom dress?

And I will say--I had issues with tape residue and pulling on the fine tummy hairs (which fits in nicely with my gross theme-ha!) And getting in and out of it for potty breaks.

So back to the duct tape lab!

Anonymous said...


honeypiehorse said...

I love the duct tape idea! Only how do you go to the loo when you're out and about? Take some spare in your purse? Also I enjoy grilled chicken for breakfast.

Amy said...

LOVE the duct tape!! Why didn't I think of that? You are ingenious!