Wednesday, February 3, 2010

"It's Just Like McDonalds: You Get Change Back."

"It's Just Like McDonalds: You Get Change Back." What the hecks does that even mean?

The absurdity of the statement has not stopped multiple customers from enthusiastically using it lately.
I had to google it, too, because I thought surely our humble burg is not the birthplace and residence of such a quotable quote. And glory be! it kinda looks like it is.(Based on my not finding it anywhere else.) (Unless you can tell me that you're doin' it your neck of the woods?) And it's a good illustration of why I was so very desperate to leave this place straight out of high school.

Sure, now I can appreciate it, I came back, but back then I felt like I was living in a Stephen King novel full of sideshow freaks. I can appreciate it now probably because I've become one. ha Haaa!

So anyway, it's the dreaded First Of The Month here at work and all the folks who don't have a bank account, who drive around all day paying all their bills in cash, who then treat themselves to a meal at said McDonalds as a reward for driving around all day paying all their bills in cash, they come out of the woodwork and come to the office spouting words of fun and wisdom.

In fact, I received a kiss on the top of my head from one today. True story.
That was unexpected. Dennis is our sometimes office pet who shows up to eat our donuts and drink our coffee, then has to be told to wipe the food off his face. (Or his tobacco spittle, yuck.)

Another did her best to clean out our candy jar. On at least one occasion she's brought a little baggie with her to carry her loot. We tell her to load up. Why not, ya know?

Heck, I even stopped on the side of the road today to help one who was stranded because her car quit. She was more upset by her lack of cigarettes than her car troubles.

We'll have multiple inquiries along the lines of "I've got my bill here. It says to pay xx amount of dollars. Can you tell me how much I need to pay?" Why none of us has ever asked in return "Are you serious?" I don't know.

Lots of folks coming in with straight-out-of-bed hair. Their kids leaving candy wrappers out on the waiting area floor. We have more than one customer who has a voice just like the witch on Bugs Bunny. We have a guy who wears a shirt with the name "Chet" embroidered on it, but his name isn't Chet. Come to think of it, he's one of the people that likens our office to McDonalds.

But there are good ones, too. A customer brought us some homemade chocolate pudding. Which was weird and scary, but really thoughtful. Folks bring their dogs in to visit. We try to entertain the kids with scrap paper for doodling and lollipops. We love seeing new babies.

So if any of that makes me sound like a stuck up creep, I apologize. Maybe I've posted these little rants before. If so, I apologize. You deserve a break today. heeeee :-)

Lily keeps asking me if she's adopted. Lily, the child that looks exactly like all my baby pictures.
She thinks she's black because she tans more than her siblings in the Summer. And it's not like she's really upset about it, just unconvinced when I tell her she's not adopted. She even seems a little disappointed when I insist that she's biologically ours?
I have a feeling her brother has something to do with it. He's the one who told her to touch the electric fence with a tenpenny nail when she was about 3 years old. I heard her screech from the house. Boy, was she pissed.

I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant. Are you kidding me? (Not me, the TV show!) Have you seen this show? I'm totally sucked in by it because no matter how many reasonable explanations they give for why these women didn't know, I still can't wrap my brain around it. Even women who've been pregnant multiple times before still didn't know they were pregnant.
Babies move in there for pete's sake.
Especially my 'adopted' child, Lily; she used to do this weird rhythmically pulsing kick thing. Not the hiccups, but like some kind of little dance.
I knew I was destined for an interesting child when she was doing that in the womb.

Alrighty then. Is it Friday yet?


Becky said...

Nope, it's just Wednesday. And the McDonald's thing: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? Sounds like interesting times at work, like so interesting I would drink on the job.

I love that you described the homemade chocolate pudding as weird and scary, because yeah, it would be. Pudding is not one of those foods that travels well, is it?

Amy said...

You are so hilarious. I wished we worked together! I love your customer stories, too. Wow, the spectrum of humanity, eh? Complete with puddin'.

As for the McDonalds thing, NO CLUE. Maybe you should roll up to Mickey D's and ask them.

Annette said...

I think that McDonalds thing came from a long defunct commercial. Like back before "Where's the beef?" And "I've fallen and I can't get up." Waaaayyyyy back.

See, I'm old so I sort of remember it.

Or I'm losing my mind. Which is always a possibility.

Osage Bluff Quilter said...

Dam did all my customers from the electic coop come to visit you?

We did have one gentlemen (I say that lightly) come last Monday and pay his bill. He came back Tuesday, I told him, you paid yesterday, no I didn't here's my bill. I looked and it was his telephone bill.
Oh crap, give it back to me (this was at the drive up window) he said here, take these, and gave us two individually wrapped chocolate turtles.
Now that kind is few and far between!

honeypiehorse said...

Wow, you live near really strange people. That can vote. And, I didn't have enough room for my baby and my ribs so I definitely noticed.

Ange said...

Now it's Friday!

Awesome post for me to kick off the weekend to.

*You really do have a great 'spectrum of humanity' to pull from (loved that).

I think I'm probably discussed among the Kindergarten moms who actually comb their hair before dropping off their kids, though, so I might have to sympathize a little bit with tobacco spittle guy. I wore the muck boots today, with a long black coat covered in the hair of five animals. (What? We love each other.) It's total white out here, so every bit of hillbilly I can muster was shining forth against a bright backdrop while walking my kid across the parking lot. I bet that's the first time she was hoping she was adopted, too. *I shoulda gone cruising for free donuts afterward.

You're my kinda lady, lady.
I have never heard that McD reference before, but it got me hungry for Taco Bell for some reason. Probably because you can pay for Taco Bell in change.

Have a great weekend.
Go Colts! (I'm in Indiana. So.)

Sara said...

Becky, TGIF~~ I tasted the pudding...only because I felt guilty because I knew she'd ask me about it eventually and she's super nice and I didn't want to lie to her. I really felt obliged to taste it for some reason. It was fine. Not great. What?!

Amy,'tis a rainbow, it is! hee!

Annette, I loved me some 'where's the beef' commercials back in the day.

Patti, I think I should be turning to you for moral support. I think they really are the same customers.

HPH, Vote! Yes! Thank you. I can't get over that one either.

Ange, It is a special occasion indeed when I get to wear my mucks in public! I'm thinking they look best with dirty jeans, long underwear as outerwear and maybe a blaze orange knit cap. And even then, there's so much untapped hillbilliness. Right on!
(Oh how I enjoyed your Choco Rain video. That song is the devil. Get out of my head!)